“I never thought I had it in me to become a high-output cookie baker, given how much I dislike, well, baking cookies.”

“We didn’t have much time to dwell on our poor choice of tree, however, because a few hours later, it fell over. “

“All these years, my creativity has been hampered by one shortcoming: my crippling practicality.”

“On the unseasonably warm days when I most want to walk with the dog, the ticks want to ride him like a party bus.”

I gaped at him like Homo Erectus No. 2 watching Homo Erectus No. 1 strike the first match.

“As a child of children of the Depression, I’m incapable of throwing out anything that’s still functional.”